Friday, July 30, 2010

Any body out there?

I just feel like I'm writing for no reason, I hope to become a writer and this blog is my first step. If anyone is out there and reading my blog please just leave a comment. You don't have to say anything about the post just say your name or a letter or anything. I just want to have encougermeant.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


Ok, don't mothers even notice how a daughter wants to be a part of their life but they just keep pushing them out over and over and over again?

So today, I text my mom right?

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you I love you."
"What do you want, I'm busy! Leave me alone!"
"What are you doing? and why do I have to leave you alone if I just want to talk to my mother but whatever, fine I guess you have other things more important then my feelings."
"I'm watching Days of our lives."

  1. Now is that very that important that you can't even talk to your 14 year old daughter? You tell me( leave comments)
  2. You have enough drama in your live and fucking days of our lives just causes you more
  3. Why the fuck would you push your own child away for a fucking tv show?
Leave comments and tell me if I'm just over reacting or if I should be pissed the fuck off!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Doesn't get any better?

Nothing seems to help! I'm still so depressed. I don't know what to do about Sam, Hope isn't making anything any better, though she did ask about why i wasn't talking to Sam today.

I just watched a fucked up video on the computer today, I don't believe I should recommended this video. The guy in it deserved respect and I'm not going to post the link up on here to the video but if you do wanna watch it it is called, THREE GUYS,ONE HAMMER, but I do say do not watch it. I cryied watching it and I don't really think it should be up on the internet. That video just put me into another dark stage and I'm already at a very black holesh stage that I just want to hurt someone if they piss me off.

I slept all day because the only time I can talk to Sam is at night after Hope goes to bed, which is like at 1 or 2 AM. I got woke up by her at 2 Pm by her seaming at the kids so I went down stairs and tried my damn hardest to stay awake and act like I wasn't tried. I then after an hour watching her play on Fuonter ville I went and layed down on the couch so she wouldn't know I'm awake and turned on Crybaby and fell asleep while the kids were playing outside in the water hose. Then I later woke up and it was dark out with the two girls on the couch cuddled up with me, Maddy on the edge of the couch with my arm pulled around her then Abby at my feet in a ball both watching Edward Scissorhands. After watching the movie for 5 mins I fell back asleep then woke back up by Hope handing me a plate of dinner( Monday's dinner: Hamburger helper and corn, yuck). I wasn't even hungry but I didn't even eat all day so I forced myself to eat but I only ate the hamburger crap and later fell asleep.

I woke back up at 11 with the kids still awake upstairs when Hope told them to go to bed at 8 but she and I both hear them awake but she doesn't even do anything about them being awake, so whatever. We then watched the Secent life of an Amanaca teenager on Hulu then some funny sexually movies as in two girls one cup then came across three guys one hammer which ruled my mood and put me into more of a deep black hole. And now I find myself talking to Sam on the phone while typing this blog. The day of my life.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

New to Blogger

OK, Well I am new to blogger and I don't know what to really do on here but I'll try to explain the "Roller-Coster" of my life.

I just turned 14 years old on June 27, Yes you may think of me as a kid but i concered myself as a young adult and what I have went though in the years of my life is what a 26 year old probably haven't yet. My mother takes pills and drugs, and I am always in the middle of her and my Dad's fights( Which I will explain later). I have just reality found the love of my life over the internet but we talk everyday on the phone for hours. I think he may be "The One". His name is Sam, Sam Sarmv. As I like to call him "Sammy". At first he told me he was 16 but i later found out he was 14( only 3 months older then me), He told me he lied because he thought I was older then 14.

My mother and father don't know I talk to him because during the summers I stay with my aunt Hope(Mom's side) and I met him while staying here. My aunt seems to like him which I like but she sometimes gets mad or at least i think because she looks like she's mad when i sleep till one when she only gets up at 12, but today(July 25, 2010) in the car after leaving the Mexican restaurant we went to for a group thing with uncle Roger( Hope's husband), his mother and father,brother and brother's friend, and all three kids(Abby:9, Maddy:7,Little Roger:5) Me and Hope was talking about Sam. She told me she thought he was lieing about everything that has happen within his life. She said 1: He wasn't adopted to the US from the UK because foster care wouldn't even take a child out of state to a new home rather then the country, 2: He said his parents died in the car wreck when he was 4 and he was in the car and every now and then he'll get hand aches and he doesn't remember what happen, 3: He said he was moved to foster care when he was 5 because his parents beat him( How could they beat him if they died a year ago in the car wreck?), 4: How can he be Bristsh if he doesn't ever sound Bristsh but when you tell him to speak it, And he says his adopted parents are Mexicans, and every often he sounds Mexican, 5: He gets hurt everyday, EX: two days ago he was cooking dinner and sliced his wrist while cutting chicken and went to the ER and had to get about 6 stitches, The same day after coming home from the ER he was cleaning and slipped on water and fell and blasted his face( pulled his eye bow and lip ring) and had to get more stiches, and his brother stabbed him in the side the day i first started talking to him, now if a child kept getting hurt like that everyday and had to go to the Er with major cuts and had to get stitches the foster care people would have totally took the child out of that household exspaecly adopted families, and then she said now think about it Courtney, some Mexicans do look white but they are Mexicans( which we have nothing ageist Mexicans) He could just be a fake.... I gave it some thought and it really did make me think. What do you think( leave comments). He also says he loves me, and convinced me that it's like love at first sight. Do i love him back? He means a lot to me even though I really have no idea who he really is? Could I really be in love with a stranger off the internet? I have no clue.

Now with my Mother and Father, a long story short; My mother cheated on my Father with her boss from her ex job at the pawn shop. My dad was a truck driver and i guess my mother wanted to have fun? I don't know but it caused a tatally fight. They fought over me and my brother and while my mother ws at the bar every night getting shit faced I would talk to my dad on the phone and I would cry for at least 4 hours steight. All the cheating took place in the summer of 2009( while I was at Hope's) I didn't know untill my sister Amanda came to vist with her husban and her baby boy Bo and Kaden, She stayed with my mother for a month then came to Hope's for July. She told us everything so I knew. Then it was time to go home, back to Mississippi. I didn't know if my mother knew I had already knew about that fucking baster at the pawn shop, but she mat he at the bar( figures) but she would always dress slutly when going to the bar. Then Halloween came(Octtober 30) and she yelled at me for wanting to go Trick-OR- Treating because I was "Too old" so she went to the Bar costum party and left me at home but I made my .... EX... best friend Megan stay with me. No one came to the house for candy so we just got some Red Hair spay from the old country store down the road from my house and did our hair very pretty then got dressed and put the candy out side by the pumpkins I didn't get to carve (because it's not fun doing it by yourself) and started walking down the road(what else are we gonna do? Stay in the house and watch fucking Halloween cartoons all night? I don't think so.) Of couse we had flash lights in case you was wondering. There was no where to go with out walking six miles ( in the middle of Mississippi). So we just kept walking on the same roads without speaking because I was embarrseed that my mother left me at home on a holaday to go get fucked up on drugs and achaool.We fanally just said fuck it and walked back to the house. On the way back my neighbor seen us walking and gave us a ride back because she only leavs right across the street. She was just coming back from taking her little girl out hunting for candy, As I may say the little girl was so cute in her costum.She asked why we weren't out at a teenage party or trick-OR-treating and I explaned to her why so she just let us stay at her house untill my mother got back. We ate most of the little girl's candy but she was only three so whatever She'll get over it. It wasn't untill 3 Am when my mother came home( she usally stays longer). But as Megan and I walked into the house we noctied it was only my grandma and she said( aka lied) My mother was at my cousin's, who also goes to the bar. But the next day I called my mother to see when she was coming home ( I called at 4Pm) and I heard a man say don't go in the background while she was speaking( I don't recomnize the voice). I just hung up on her while she said talking. Who gives a fuck you fucking whore! I then called my father and talked to him while everyone was in the house. We talked about the hole thing about she going to the bar and he was pissed. We also talked about her cheating, He had already knew ( my brother).... then about if they were to get a devced which parent would I live with, I know you're thinking I should I with my father but.. Why would I go to a demanding, anger problem father, but why would I go with a drug and achool addet? I was so confused.

That was the story of them, but now they are still together, My dad quit his job to save his marriage and went back to get his GED, My mother quit her job and tryed to get her GED. They both got a job for the US CENSUS. Now my Father works at Auto zone, and my mother is back on her ass without a job and I'm here at Hope's.

I also hate being at Hope's. Don't get me Wong, yea she's rich and lives in a big house, but it gets annoying doing the same thing every day of my summer; wake up, watch Hope waste her life playing Frontier vile on facebook, listen to her yell at her kids 24/7, stay up all night on the internet because Hope doesn't get off her ass to do anything all day until 1 AM and goes back to sleep. Now is that what a teenage girl should be doing with her life during summer while school is out for two months? NO! Now I'm not saying I should be out getting laied like everyone else but yea I do wanna hang out with my friends and the boyfriend I should have that I really know and can hold hands with, but I guess I can't even have that.

So, as you can mostly see I live a piece of shit life. I know this is so stupid of me writeing but WTF else am I to do? I have to tell someone about my life and problems so blogger seemed like the best place.